The road home from war is longer, steeper and often more
challenging than the road to war for most soldiers and their
families. After the joyful, long anticipated reunions there
is a difficult period of transition, readjustment, and hard
work ahead for every soldier and their family. The church
can be a helpful partner in the process.
Recent studies reviewed in the June 2004
New England
Journal of Medicine reveal that as many as 18% of
returning combat veterans struggle with significant mental
health issues upon returning home. Department of Defense
medical authorities now state that as many as 30% of
returning Army Reserve and Guard members struggle with
significant mental health issues four to six months after
returning from combat. These studies highlight the need for
the church to be a partner in the complex readjustment
process of returning soldiers and their families.
The first place for the church to start, in becoming a
helpful partner in the readjustment process, is to gain an
understanding of what faces the soldier and his family when
they reunite. Both parties have been through odysseys of
their own. Both have been stretched, challenged, overwhelmed
and pushed to the limits of their endurance.
The families have learned to fill the void left by the
soldier. New roles have been assumed and sometimes mastered.
New rules have taken effect. Money has been managed by the
family without the soldier's direct input. New skills have
been gained, experiences had and friendships made. The
soldier is returning to the same family but a newer model.
The soldier's role in the family may have changed and the
family may not even be aware of it.
The soldier is returning from a life of danger to a life of
uncertainty. In combat the military guided and provided. In
civilian life the soldier will have to live by a complex
code. In combat the soldier bonded with a few, in civilian
life the soldier will be expected to interact with a myriad
of networks of people; family, friends, co-workers,
relatives, etc… In combat the soldier was "safe" within the
confines of the forward operating base and the company,
squad or team. At home the soldier will often feel
vulnerable, not sure where he/she is "safe and secure".
The soldier will experience alienation because of the unique
experiences (both good and bad) of combat and the inability
to adequately express those experiences to those who haven't
been there. The soldier may feel that friends and co-workers
have "leapt ahead" while he/she was "frozen in time". Others
have gone to school, married, been promoted, learned new
skills and advanced in their careers and the soldier is
faced with trying to "catch up" in a world that the combat
veteran may feel he/she is out of synch with.
All of this adds up to offering the church a very unique
ministry in helping combat veterans and their families. With
understanding comes the opportunity to minister. I suggest
the following steps for any church that wants to help combat
veterans and their families.
1. Make yourself a "military-friendly" church. That doesn't
mean that you have to support the U.S. foreign policy or
promote war. It does mean that you are willing to see
members of the military as you see any other distressed
population in your parish. Members of the military have
volunteered for a very difficult avenue of service and their
families share in the sacrifice. Jesus ministered to
soldiers and His Church has the opportunity to do the same.
A "military-friendly" church acknowledges, publicly, in
church publications and from the lectern, that members of
the church are in the military and their service is
appreciated by the church. Some churches have prayer teams
specifically for the purpose of praying for the military.
Other churches list the names of those serving in the
military in their Sunday bulletins. Some churches have
pictures of those serving in the military on a display board
in the Fellowship Hall or lobby. Many churches project the
pictures of those serving overseas on a screen in the
sanctuary before and/or after services, to raise awareness.
2. Reach out to military families. Treat the military family
of a soldier serving in combat as you would any family in
crisis. Many of the skills learned in ministering to
families who have been through a significant crisis apply to
a military family during a combat deployment. A gentle
ministry of presence that let's the family know that the
church wants to walk with them through the long days and
nights of separation will be greatly appreciated. A periodic
phone call from a pastor , elder, deacon or Stephen Minister
to offer support and a listening ear is helpful. Practical
helps from offering to change the oil on family cars to
helping with yard work, all combine to help the family with
the crushing responsibilities they face when their soldier
is gone.
Youth pastors and children's ministers can have a very
wonderful ministry reaching out to the children of service
members. The children struggle with the trauma of separation
from their loved one and the stress of being home "alone". A
caring, consistent outreach to them will be a great source
of comfort to the children, the soldier and their spouse.
3. Reach out to the deployed soldier. There is nothing like
getting snail mail from home. If the church mails the
bulletin weekly, she will be doing a wonderful service. If
the pastor sends a handwritten note, it is fresh water in
the desert, literally. If the Sunday School, the Men's
Group, the Women's Bible Study and other groups in the
church take turns sending a care package and note the
soldier will feel they are loved, valued and not forgotten.
4. When the soldier comes home, welcome them home. A simple
acknowledgement in the church bulletin or newsletter is
wonderful. With the consent of the soldier and his/her
family, a public welcome home, with an announcement from the
lectern on Sunday morning is helpful. The offer to baby sit
the children so a couple can go out, several weeks after the
soldier returns, would be a great practical help.
By welcoming the soldier home and acknowledging the
sacrifice their family has made the Church will validate
their shared struggle and affirm their service.
5. Support beyond the yellow ribbon. If the church thinks of
the service member and their family as people who have just
survived a fire it will guide efforts to help for the long
haul. A soldier who has been to combat, and their family
,has endured a fire, the fire of war. It will take a long
time for the family and soldier to rebuild their lives after
the fire of war. They will never be the same and nothing
will be as it was. With the help of the church, over the
long process of reintegration the family can grow into a new
normal.
Don't overwhelm the soldier and his/her family with
attention, but at the same time don't ignore them. Give them
the same pastoral care you 'd give fire victims; a ministry
of presence, meet practical needs and be agents of grace and
healing.
This may take many practical forms from bringing over a
favorite meal once a week for several months after the
soldier returns, to offering day care so the couple can
rebuild their marriage, to paying for the couple to attend a
marriage retreat, to providing counseling if the family
needs help.
6. Listen, support, absolve and don't condemn. One of the
tragic legacies of the American experience in Viet Nam is
that our society either ignored or condemned the military
service members who fought in that war. Societal shame is a
powerful tool and it broke the spirits of countless Viet Nam
veterans.
The Church of Jesus Christ can do better without feeling
that we are compromising our moral standards. Soldiers need
a place where they can share the experiences of war that may
trouble them. They need a safe place where they can do
theological inquiry which is so necessary for anyone who has
suffered trauma. They need a place where they can question,
grow, and gain the strength needed to grow through their
combat experience and on into the person God is calling them
to be. A church that will provide a listening ear, a place
for confession and a heart of compassion will become a
healing haven for soldiers and their families.
7. Be alert for signs of distress. Because a soldier and his
or her family show up for Sunday worship regularly doesn't
mean everything is going well with their reintegration.
Check in with them periodically and watch for signs of
distress. Depression, hyper vigilance, withdrawl, inability
to hold a job, anger issues and discomfort with being in
crowds are common signs of stress in combat veterans.
Children often are the first to reflect the stress that is
happening at home. Pay attention to what they are saying and
doing. By expressing concern and opening the door for
support the church is offering the combat veteran the
opportunity to receive help, healing and hope.
Every month soldiers are returning home from combat. The
local church that opens it doors to combat veterans will be
offering a much needed ministry to a population often
overlooked in terms of ministry. Yellow ribbons are nice and
much appreciated. Love, support and a "cup of cold water",
however, is the incarnational gift of Christ, through His
Church, to the combat veteran and family.
